# 5 - Sacred sexuality
In this week's episode:
A talk with April Terreau
April lives to empower women and has been doing so for over two decades. As a midwife, she has empowered women through one of the biggest transformations of their lives, their transition to motherhood. April is also an experienced coach and large group facilitator who inspires her community. She's committed to a continuous process of levelling up, and she's built her entire life around this principle. April has embraced and studied extensively the magical side of her sexuality for over 20 years and is now combining all of her talents into the Sacred Sisterhood of Sexuality, an online community of female-identified people to witness and encourage each other to embrace their authentic sexual selves. Join April in the Empowered Sexuality Summit April 26 - May 1
Episode 5 audio Sun, 6/13 2:04PM 27:21 SUMMARY KEYWORDS sexuality, women, sacred sexuality, sex, april, porn, festivals, people, empower, life, big, bodies, sisterhood, create, sacred, orgasm, beautiful, talk, amazing, sexy 00:10 Hey, everyone, and welcome to the age sister podcast. Today I'm joined by April Terreau. April is one of those amazingly high energy kind and lovely people that I've recently welcomed into my life. And she just does so many amazing things. But the the crux of April is that she really lives to empower women. And she's been doing that for over two decades. So as a midwife, she empowered women through the biggest transformation of their life, their transitions into motherhood, but April's also an experienced coach and facilitator who really inspires her community. She's also committed to this continuous process of leveling up, and she's built her entire life around this principle. And trust me, you can really see this in April when you sit down and have a conversation with her. But what you really want to know about April today is that she has studied extensively the magical side of her sexuality. For over 20 years, she's combined all those talents into the sacred Sisterhood of sexuality, which is for female identified people to witness and encourage each other to explore their authentic sexual selves. So welcome, April. Thank you so much for having me, Kate. It's so exciting to be here. I'm excited. This is gonna be one of the juicy your episodes I know. Let's talk about the juicy me. So I guess you know, with all of this kind of varied background, and all these amazing things that you've done, I'd really like to understand how did you get to where you are today, the work that you're doing today with the sacred Sisterhood of sexuality? 02:05 Yeah, it's really been an amazing journey to get me here. And I really feel like the sacred Sisterhood of sexuality is kind of a culmination of my entire life all put together in one package, which is, and I'm just so honored of the value that I provide to women to be able to explore their sexuality in a safe place. So how did I get here? Long story. So I've been in healthcare for 20 plus years, I was a midwife for the past 10 years. And I loved being a midwife. It was a calling for me to Episode 5 audio Page 1 of 9 Transcribed by https://otter.aibe able to be with women through the whole journey of their pregnancies, labor, delivery, postpartum, to really hold space for them, to empower them to make choices that are best for them. To have that science background, informed choice, all of that together to really hold space for women through such an amazing, miraculous time. It was such a huge call, and I loved love, loved it. I was a great midwife, my clients loved me, it was just such an honor and a privilege. The problem was is that healthcare is not the healthiest place to be to work in. And it was quite toxic, so I had to leave. So it was a huge heartbreak for me because it was something I loved. I'd given a lot of my life to it. Being a midwife is like, it's not a job, it actually is a calling you're on call 24 seven, you know, your sleep is disrupted, family events are missed, because you've got to run and be in a berth. So it's, it's quite a high stress job, which I didn't mind. But the bureaucracy and the behind the scenes stuff was really toxic. And that's why I had to leave. And it was such a huge heartbreak for me. And I knew that I had to do the work to to really heal that and to grieve losing that career, because I did love it so dearly. But it just wasn't good for me. So, in that healing journey, what I realized what was the biggest heartbreak for me as I thought, because being a midwife was all about empowering women. And that that was my job was to empower women that all of us as midwives would stand and empower each other. And that wasn't the case, unfortunately. So what was really missing for me, and what was the biggest heartbreak for me was that I didn't get that sisterhood, which I thought I was going to have that Sisterhood of really strong women to really support other women to support each other. And I didn't get that. And I was like, that was probably the piece that I grieve the most was just not having what I thought I was gonna have. And so I was like, Oh, well, how do I create my own sisterhood? So that kind of started the wheels rolling of Hmm, what can I bring to this? Like, what could I create that would provide value that people need? You know, what would that look like? And through lots of, you know, reflection, and some creating some magical spaces, and just really opening up and asking questions. I came up with the sacred Sisterhood of sexuality and I'm loving it. So I've also been a coach for 15 plus years. So it's like okay, I've got this coaching background. I've got this, you know, empowering women, the health side of sexuality. The the anatomy like I know the anatomy inside out and backwards. And recently Tell me, you're actually probably the perfect person to do this. I'm like, Why? It's just well how many vaginas Have you touched in your life? 05:11 There's. So I'm intimately familiar with the variety of vaginas that exists in the world, because they're also very different. Plus, I also know how to hold space and talk to people that really intimate subjects. Like during pregnancy, people talk to me about everything and anything you can imagine they come to me and talk to me about. So um, so there's that whole aspect of the midwifery, the coaching, and myself, I've been on this amazing journey in sacred sexuality for 20 plus years. So I was married young, I got married two weeks after my 21st birthday Episode 5 audio Page 2 of 9 Transcribed by https://otter.ai05:49 was young, 05:51 you know, and went through the newlywed stuff and had great sex life, and it was all beautiful and fantastic. And then hit the you know, four or five, six year mark, and what's so exciting anymore. And I'm like, Huh, there should be more to this. Like, there's, there's, there's, there's got to be more to this. It's what's great. And it's okay. Now, I mean, most of us, I mean, how many of us are tolerating a mediocre sex life? 90 plus percent, I'm sure have mediocre sex life, right. And I always knew there was something more possible. So I went on my own journey looking for it. And I found sacred sexuality festivals, and wow, Mind blown, like, there is so much possible and so. So yeah, so I've been studying that for 20 plus years and loving that journey. And so when the pandemic hit, and I just, you know, chosen to leave this career. Oh, what could I do? And so what really what happened was that all my festivals got taken away from me, right? Because COVID can't, we're not going to be meeting in big groups or anything like that, especially being in you know, intimate circles and that kind of thing. So I just, I didn't, I knew that I loved my festivals, but I didn't realize how much they were a part of me. Like, I didn't realize how integral they are to who I am. It's when I didn't have them. It, it felt like my oxygen was cut off. Like I was like, like, there's four festivals a year that I go to pretty regularly. And the fact that I didn't have them was like, wow, but that's when I started talking to people about it. They were like, what, what are you talking about? When you say sacred sexuality? Like, what does it mean? I forget that the rest of the world doesn't live in this paradigm that I live in, of, you know, sex is a beautiful thing, and let's explore it and let's make it magical. And let's make it sacred, and how do we really embrace all of that? So, um, so what I realized was that I'm I can really help people coach them about who they are, sexually, all the stuff that's gotten in the way, because let me tell you, there's so much stuff that's gotten in the way of our sexuality to really be able to explore openly and freely and like with wild abandon in a safe way, that's, you know, scientifically safe, and etc, etc. So, um, so yeah, I was like, What a great idea. So I just kind of created. I hate saying, I created it, because I don't feel like I created I feel like it was given to me as an idea. Like, I really feel like, I don't know if you've read Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic, amazing book. And she talks about how there's these beautiful ideas that are floating in the ethers. And it'll come knocking on your door, and you've got to either open the door, or it's going to go find somewhere else. And I really feel like it's one of those. It's like, I just opened the door, and it came in, and I just get these messages. And I just go with it. So I really don't feel like this is my work in any way, shape, or form. I just feel like I'm perfectly situated to be the messenger, and to really be the one to open the door and create that safe space for women to come in and to really explore these really intimate issues that need to be dealt with, because nobody's really talking about it, and nobody's dealing with it. So here we are. Episode 5 audio Page 3 of 9 Transcribed by https://otter.ai08:54 So you're a midwife. Once again, you're birthing something again. 08:59 Yeah. What's really neat is that, so I'm, so I have a six week course that I teach. And I'm in a in the process of I'm in the middle of one of those right now. And one of the participants said to me, she was April, it's like your midwife and all of us to birth our new selves again. And I was like, Yeah, I am. That's really awesome. So to really, it's To me, it's just such an honor. So I bring women into the red tent, hence the red tent behind me. So what's really fun is that it's all virtual, because you know, a COVID and everything. So everybody has a red background that they use a virtual background. So it feels like when you meet on zoom, that we're all actually in a red tent, which is really kind of cool. But as we meet in the red tent, and the red tent, to me is a sacred space. So it's a place where we come we open up circle, and we talk and we make it safe. And yeah, it's really been amazing to see the transformation that happens when we bring women together, create a very airtight space like I have boundaries and they are very clear and all of us promise To the agreements, and we give our word to it. And it's like that is sacred, you say it and sacred space, therefore to So, and we all hold each other to a higher standard. And it just creates this amazing space where we can all just kind of lift each other up together while dealing with our own stuff. So it's just, I'm, I'm just so honored, I like pinch myself that I actually get to do this. And it's just so beautiful to see that transformation, women just begin to look internally and look at what is in my way of really enjoying my sexuality, because there's a lot of stuff, a lot of stuff in the way. So yeah, and I walked them through a seven step process, a seven step process of, okay, where is it, I want to break through my life all the way to having that breakthrough and having a whole new paradigm alive and well in their life around sexuality. And I take them through that whole process. 10:51 So it sounds like it's almost bigger than sexuality, that there's a bigger sort of purpose to all of it as well. 10:57 We'll just between you and me, yes. I like to tell them, this is the process you can use in any area of your life. But I do know that it's like, what blocks you sexually blocks you everywhere. Right? And so let's deal with those because it's gonna explode in other areas of your life to in a beautiful way. So when you can really get rid of the shame and the guilt and the the negative beliefs we have about ourselves, especially around sexuality when we can really let those go. Like there's no stopping us. Sounds amazing. Episode 5 audio Page 4 of 9 Transcribed by https://otter.ai11:32 So, you know, the H SR listeners, a lot of them are women in midlife. And you know, thinking about you and your work as a midwife going through this really transformational time in people's lives. I think around midlife is another big transformation for a lot of women. How do you think things are different in terms of the work that you do for women in that age group? 11:57 Such a good question most, most of the clients I have most of the women that comes to read 10 are definitely men 40 Plus, I'd like to say so it's actually beautiful. And I love that we're all coming together at this point in our life, it feels like you know, a lot of us have, you know, the kids are grown, they don't need as much attention now. So we have more time to focus on ourselves. And we're all kind of at a point where we're like, okay, I've taken care of everybody else for so long, it's time to start focusing on me. And that's what I love. And that's what I love about midlife. That's what I love about all the women who are in the tent, it's like, Okay, it's time to start working on me. I've done my work, I've paid my dues. I've taken care of the kids, they're, you know, self sufficient enough. You know, it's it's time to start focusing on me. And that's what I really love is that the women are coming with a whole new attitude of my turn now, which is, which is great. And of course, everything starts changing my life too, right? Like our hormones start changing. menopause is around the corner. How's that affecting us? Even myself, I'm going through some perimenopausal symptoms now and it's like, oh, the original tissue is a lot different. Okay, gravity's taking a hold of internal organs. This is affecting my sex life. And my sex life is very important to me. It's one of my top priorities. It's one of my, my biggest self expressions. And so I've got to figure out how to navigate this and how to do it in a wonderful way. Now I have an amazing partner who I have create a relationship where I can talk like, very clear, very straight, like, dude, more warm up slower warm up as needed. Like, just not a 20 something anymore, right? Like, it just doesn't our bodies just don't work the same as they did. And that's beautiful. And how great is it that our bodies are actually telling us slow down and enjoy the process more? Because really, that's what we should have been doing all along anyway. So much easier and so much more exciting when we slow down and get present and really focus on our bodies and focus on what's happening. And just feeling and sensing and being in that moment. As opposed to you know, when you haven't sex is like, Oh my god, what has to be done? Oh, I didn't get that done today. Oh, I get this done tomorrow. Remember to do that. Here. I'm gonna do that. Oh, put this on the laundry list or the grocery list? Yes. That's, Oh, yes. We're having sex. Yeah, honey, that was great. I mean, how many of us have done that before? Right. So it's really beautiful that our bodies are actually forcing us to slow down, forcing us to be more present enjoying the sensations more, because that's what our bodies need. And really, I think it's better that way. Anyway, so did I answer your question? I remember your question we're going all Episode 5 audio Page 5 of 9 Transcribed by https://otter.ai14:41 over. Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, one of the things that I find really interesting about this, I don't want to get too political. But obviously there are a whole bunch of things around womanhood in general for all women of all ages. I just wonder what you seek Commonly as some of the roadblocks around you know, getting to this place with the women that you work with. There gets in the way, there are so many that are so common. So in doing research for the sacred sisterhood, I interviewed a whole bunch of women, to ask them a million different questions to find out kind of what I would come up with 100% of them, every single one of them said something along the lines of, well, if I only lost X amount of pounds, I'd feel sexier and I'd enjoy it more. What? No, I don't care what size you are, you can totally Enjoy your sexuality, what size you are, how much fat you have, what shaped you are, none of that none of that is relevant to enjoying your sexuality with or without a partner. Like what I mean, the sacred sexuality festivals that I go to there is every and I mean every body shape and size, present. You name it there. They're short, rotund, short, skinny, tall, skinny, tall, rotund, like, you name it, and they're all enjoying their sexuality with freedom. And however they want to explore it and enjoy it. So yes, wait is a definite one that has creeped in from our culture of you have to be the perfect size. I don't even know what the perfect size is anymore to for I don't know, zero. My daughter is adopted and she's Asian. And she's a double zero. I'm like, how is that even a size? I mean, but that's just her genetics because she's a petite Asian, right? So how is that even? I've never even knew that was even a size I wouldn't. How can we have a size is called double zero, that means she doesn't exist twice over? Wow. It's just, it's ridiculous. So all of that messaging that we've gotten from our media, from our culture of, you have to be this size. If only I weighed this much less or only five pounds less, I'd feel sexier. And so that's something I really we definitely talk about in the red tent. And where did that come from? And is it true? Is it not true? How do we let that go? How do we not let that affect us? Because really, there's, I mean, there's people on all sides even not even just losing 510 pounds if I gained 510 pounds, because there are people who can't gain weight, and they feel that they're too skinny. So they can't be sexy. It's, it's insane. We're never perfect enough to feel sexy, there is no perfect enough to feel sexy. Take that out. Just be sexy. Just enjoy our bodies. Enjoy the pleasure, enjoy the bliss, enjoy the ecstasy that's available on our bodies. That's such a great message in general, right, just in life. Absolutely. Absolutely. It's so important. So maybe, 17:46 April, you could tell us sort of three takeaways. I think a lot of women, you know, it's obvious to a lot of women, some of the health topics that I talked about, you know, getting more exercise, eating better getting enough sleep, but sexuality is not one that we talk about very often. So if you could get out three kind of key messages, what would you say to women who are listening? Well, Episode 5 audio Page 6 of 9 Transcribed by https://otter.ai18:09 the first one, what we just talked about, I don't care what size you are, you can be sexy in any size. So give that up now, because it is not serving you in any way, shape, or form. That's one. Another big one that comes up a lot is I'm broken and need to be there's something wrong with me. I hear that all the time. And I it's it. Where does that come from? It's like my body doesn't work properly, or I don't know how to do it properly. Or there's something in that realm of I'm not enough, I'm not good enough. I'm not sexy enough. Whatever that is. My body is weird shaped. Whatever. There's something in there, that you're broken, you're not broken. It's just it's a conversation. Like whoever sat you down and said, This is what sexuality is all about. Here are the joys of it. Try this, try that try doing this. Try doing that. Like that's just not how we're taught. Like most of us may have gotten the talk when we were you know, young from our parents and that his penis goes into vagina causes babies, put a condom on us. You don't get sick, you don't get a disease and you don't make babies. And don't do it. Right. That's it. That's one talk we got. And then we talked to our friends who also don't know any more than we do but pretend to know more than we do. So then we kind of like think we know we're talking about but do we really? Then we fumble into our first experience and I mean fumble because we neither of us really know what's going on. Try a little this. Try little that. And then especially in today's generations, we find porn. Now. porn is a double edged sword. There is some good things about porn, but I think requires a really healthy perspective on porn, which our younger generation does not have. So they look at porn. It's like that's what sex is all about. That's what it's supposed to be. They don't realize that it's For 90% male audience for the male visual cortex that is stimulated, right? So men are stimulated visually, in general, not all the time. But mostly men are stimulated visually. And that's what porn is for is for that 98% stimulation of the male visual cortex. It is not what women that's not necessarily what turns women on. Right? And especially the way they have sex and porn. It's like, get to the good stuff. Go, go, go, go, go orgasm. Whoo, you know, the end shot and Whoo, that's it, right? So we think that that's what sex is supposed to be. And that's what makes it good. So let's pretend to be porn stars and do it like they do. And then what happens is, that's what happens in the women's like, I really enjoy that. And but of course, you're not going to speak that. Because then oh my god, there must be something wrong with me. If I don't enjoy what they look like they're enjoying the movies, then there's something wrong with me. And then women just give it up. Forget it. I don't want to it's, I don't get any joy out of it. Forget it. And the guys are like, well, I don't know, because they're never taught how to please a woman. They have no clue either. They think that the board is what the answer is as well. Does porn have its place? Yes. Could it be stimulating guests, but you need that kind of perspective of? I'm not going to take my parenting advice from I'm going to date myself now The Sopranos. Well, your audience will get that too. Right. I'm not giving my parenting advice from the sopranos. So why would I take my sexuality advice from porn? Right? It is entertainment. It is meant for entertainment. It's not reality. So really, where do we learn about our sexuality? Where do we learn about how our bodies work and and how the hormones work and how the whole interplay between oxytocin and serotonin and dopamine and oh, nobody tells us that. I mean, I learned that because of school, but you know, Episode 5 audio Page 7 of 9 Transcribed by https://otter.ainobody told me that like, how do I how do I how do I mucous membranes on mucous membranes causes lubrication? Really? That's how our mouth doesn't go dry? Could that have anything to do with sexuality? Probably. But nobody teaches us those things, right? So it's why mucous membranes on other mucous membranes causes more lubrication. Oh, good thought. like things like that, that just, you know, aren't common knowledge is not something you talk about on a regular basis. So really, as women, we are left with this, I must be defective and broken because I don't get this. And to me, that's so sad. Because it's like, there's so much possibilities there. I mean, if you think about it, sexual energy is the most creative energy there is in the universe. It creates life. That's what it's meant for is to create life. Hmm, what else can that energy be used for? I mean, I use sexuality for deep, deep healing, deep healing. I've had the most amazing healing ever during sacred sexuality rituals, things that I had no clue could be self, it could be healed in one ritual done gone. Wow. Because it works on so many levels. It works on a physical level, it works on an energetic level, it works on an emotional level. Have you ever had an orgasm that's so intense that you end up crying? 23:08 Then what happens? Oh, my God, I'm crying. I shouldn't be crying during sex. That's what they don't do that in the porn. There must be something wrong. Like, whatever. And stuff, stuff, stuff stuff. No, that's a beautiful opportunity. There's something in there that needs to come out. those emotions want to come out your body is releasing energy, allow that to come out. Talk about it with your partner, this could happen and it's okay. You don't have to shut it up. You don't have to like, wipe the tears away. It's like, this is a beautiful healing that can happen and we just shut that down. Sex is to have orgasms or to have babies and that's it. No, there's so much more possible. Wow. going on and on and on. Was that at least three takeaways there? 23:52 Yeah, no, it's fantastic. I think after listening to this, a lot of women are going to want to know, how do I learn more about this? How do I get in touch with April? You know, how do I get involved with their work? Can you tell us about that? 24:04 Sure. But lots of opportunities. So the next opportunity coming up is the empowered sexuality summit. I am so excited about this. Um, so I may 1 is in the in the pagan spiritual worlds old Celtic region of the world. But may 1 is beltane. And that's celebrated as a sacred sexuality festival. So it's a it's a festival to celebrate sexuality and fertility. It's where bunnies and eggs come from around this time of year. Why cuz bunnies have lots of sex. And eggs bring fertility, you know? So, anyway, so may 1 is a celebration of spring celebration of sexuality, and I'm usually at a festival Episode 5 audio Page 8 of 9 Transcribed by https://otter.aiaround May 1 because of that, and of course, we can't drink COVID time so I thought, let's bring together lots of really great speakers and help people rev up for beltane. So why not so the empowered sexuality summit happens the week before beltane, so April 26. To me first, culminating with a live event on May 1, I'm going to bring all the presenters into the red tent, and we're going to red tent and people can watch us. So we're gonna have all these sex educators together and talking about some really good juicy stuff. And people get to sit in and watch us have that lovely discussion. So, so yeah, so the summit is free. I will give you links to the you can put it in the show notes, so people can come 23 different speakers over a week, lots of really great workshops, I've got a kissing clinic, but is that I've got an erotic chocolate tasting workshop. transactional love versus intimate, connected, love, like some good heavy stuff, some really light, fluffy stuff. Somebody's creating a masturbation ritual, like some really fun, fun workshops that are going to be so great. I'm excited for them. So 23 speakers from all over the globe, Philippines, the UK, the US, Canada, all of us coming together, and just really giving some really great, great content. So that's one thing I'm super excited to give. I'm looking forward to the workshops. I know everybody else is going to love them too. So I'll give you links in the show notes for that. But otherwise, I guess the easiest way to get ahold of me is Facebook, look up the sacred Sisterhood of sexuality as to become part of the group. And that'll get you to my website and all of that other stuff. 26:21 Fantastic. Well, thank you so much, April, for joining us today. I just loved having you on. 26:27 You're so welcome. It's so great to be here. And thank you for the work that you do. Kate, it's so important to learn how to age in a way that is empowering and fulfilling. And it doesn't have to be like let's not have let's not feed the narrative that when we get old we should be put out to pasture. It drives me nuts. Like we really need to embrace the wisdom of our aging. I mean, in the in in the pagan world. We have Cronyn rituals, where we celebrate a year in a day after your last menstrual cycle. We have a big the big ritual we celebrate you becoming a chrome which is the wise woman which is the sage which is you know the woman who has the experience and it's it's a beautiful ceremony and I just wish more of us really celebrated and celebrated our age and our wisdom because it's a you know, it's a privilege afforded to few, not many. Absolutely. Hallelujah. Yeah. So thank you for the work you do to Kate. Thank you, April.
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The Age Sister Podcast is where Kate talks with an eclectic mix of guests about issues related to being a woman in midlife.
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